The Dreaded ThreeStep
by vez
Summary: A look into the Eleventh Division's quiet time.


**The Dreaded Three-Step**

In a place where everyone wears the same uniform (thus upholding the -point- of having a uniform), it gets hard to push for one's individuality. Shinigami or not, dead or alive, let's face it – nothing makes us happier than being not too similar to everyone else. Thus, it is only natural that if you find it hard to assert you personality onto your clothes, you do it through the next best thing. Your hair.

Zaraki sat, almost sprawled, as he waited patiently for his fifth seat. Yumichika was busy flipping through the latest hairstyles and was squealing to himself about how beautiful and wonderous it all was. The eleventh division Captain was almost sure that Yumichika was subtly directing those squeals at him but Zaraki ignored it anyway. If he had any inkling that his Taichou was actually -listening-, all hell would break loose. Heck, he might even persuade Zaraki to try out a new hairstyle or something funky like that. The only thing Zaraki Kenpachi wanted was to _fightfightfight_. He did not want or need a new hairstyle. In fact, he doesn't give a damn about his hair. The only reason why he does this every other month or so was the fact that the hairspray does not hold hair and bell for eternity and back. Oh, and also for that other thing. You know. That hygiene thing. There was nothing wrong with change. Zaraki was mature enough to appreciate that. But when Change begins to sniff around his hair, he put his foot down. No new hairstyle. No new anything. Of course, if he lets Yumichika look at that book too long, it will get dangerous. The fifth seat will get -ideas-.

A lot of people didn't know Yumichika very well. Most of the Shinigami wrote him off as a pansy pretty boy. Which was mostly true. However, there is a reason why he is in the eleventh division and the same reason extends to why he has a ranking seat. Fighting prowress aside, Ayasekawa Yumichika had other, more frightening attributes. Yumichika could be extremely persistent and would be able to get his way most of the time (if he was not distracted in time). He had ways to get things done his way. For example, if Yumichika had the silly idea in his head about getting Taichou to try a new hairstyle, all he had to do was the Yumi Three-Step. The pout-sparkle-smile combination (in no particular order) was utterly deadly. And if that didn't work, Yumichika would go for the big guns. That is, go to Yachiru and ask for her help in changing the Taichou's mind. His Vice Captain may be a brat, but Zaraki, after all this time, still has yet to figure out how to say 'No' to her. Disturbed by how much this speculation can indeed become reality, he decided that he better distract pretty boy before Yumichika saw a hairstyle he -really- liked and felt would look fabulous. Damn, he felt nauseaus already.

"Quit looking at those disgusting pictures and hurry up." There it was, Step One of the Yumi Three-Step: The Pout. Zaraki steeled himself mentally. The Smile and Sparkle would sneakily surface later.

Yumichika took in a deep breath and explained, "Taichou is being unfair. There is -nothing- disgusting about having purple hair. In fact, I think it would match beautifully with the unifo-"

"Can it Yumi. I'm waiting." He puctuated his impatience with a mild glare. (_Anything to get his mind off purple hair. Purple!_)

His subordinate was smart enough not to continue and instead gave an apologetic yet blinding smile. He put down the book he was previously flipping though and made his way to Zaraki with a comb.

"Don't worry Taichou!" he chirped. "I'll have your hair looking as beautifully styled as ever!"

Zaraki sighed. The idiot was prattling again. Something about having the most beautifulest hair ever. It was considered to be quite a feat in the eleventh division not to be physically sick of the word "beautiful". After all this time, Yumichika had probably said it enough times to last till the end of time three times over. Right. Operation Tune-Out Fifth Seat officially begun. (If anyone is actually interested, Yumichika was in the midst of commenting that Taichou's hair had relaxed enough to be styled properly. Or something like that. Sorry. No one was really listening.)

He fell silent and his eyes closed as Yumichika ran the comb through his hair in expert strokes. Right. Zaraki didn't care that the pretty boy wore weird additions to his uniform. Heck, he didn't in particular mind the eyelash-thing. He didn't care as long as his fifth seat continued to be so good at -this-.

Yumichika frowned as he saw his captain drifting off to sleep as Yumi styled his hair. _Really_, he sniffed to himself. But he had to admit that Taichou needed to relax more. Or at least to stop obsessing about finding a decent fight.

Now where is that bottle of Extra Strong hairspray? As he searched for it, his eyes took notice of a bottle of hair dye. Coincidence? Maybe. A sign? Definitely. Honestly, there was nothing wrong with purple hair. After all, Yourichi looks amazing in it! Yumi felt himself trying to restrain the urge to sparkle. Isn't it his duty to make sure his division had the best looking captain? Fashion-wise, the Eleventh Division needed to step up. Bells in the hair wasn't going to cut it anymore. Especially not when being compared to captains with white/silver hair and a-certain-captain with a priceless heirloom in his hair.

Before Yumi could even look at the bottle closely (for dyeing instructions), a hand shot out and grabbed his wrist.

"Don't. You. Dare." Taichou enuciated as he cracked open his eye.

The Yumi Three-Step was foiled yet again.

Thank the gods for that. Until next time.

_Author's note: I hope everyone enjoyed this piece! If you liked it, please review it! XDXD _


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